Daily Anecdotes

Saturday, December 31, 2005




Now that every body here is poet, I better read you my poem too, which is not mine unfortunately, it originally belongs to the famous 11 century Persian mathematician [Omar Khay yaam], and I ruined it just a little bit, so that every body understands.
He tries to make people know that they don't need to be so frightfully scared of the punishments waiting them in hell, in the eternal world, and they better do as they please to reduce their misery in this world, he wasn't a very optimist person like all who think about things by nature, by habit, and because he and the likes of him, 95% of the population of the country had been threaten to go to hell if they drink wine, he advises them:

Before the sorrows and pain,
encroach your shrine* (* = your holly, intelligent mind),
order the best
red smooth wine,
you're not gold
you're not silver
you're not the fool
they call be liever(!)
Says don’t worry about the after life nonsense, you are not gold my ignorant man! That they put under ground and dig out again, make you alive again to torture you for an unlimited time. When you’re gone, you are gone for good! You will turn into dust and that's the end of it.

Now, talking of the fears of the other world, all those horrible tortures in hell waiting for us, reminded me of an old anecdote that I'm afraid is not funny at all, but what can we do? Not everything supposed to be funny in this world and especially in THAT world. But it's really educational. Some say that the Italian poet Dante was present there when it all was happening, during his hell visit we talked about before, but I'm not sure about that, and another thing: this may make some people who have heard it before, angry. I just hope that they hold their peace!
This is the hellish story:
You probably know that the affairs in the other world are managed democratically and it makes sense too because even people in this world who are in fact too young and primitive comparing to the inhabitants of the other world, are trying, at least pretending that they are at last on the path to the so-called democracy after years and years of the law of the jungle, the nature’s law actually, that let's the strong and powerful bit the shit out of the weak and ignore his illusionary rights, created by the artificial man made rules, called morality and incidentally we discussed this subject too just a few posts ago.
Anyway those in hell after thousands of years of experience surely are more "developed"(as they say) than us here, on earth. So when a sinner is thrown into the hell they don't just put him under torture right away, without reading him his rights or without legal help and advice. No my friends, they give the poor sinner choice. They let him look around with a tour guide beside him and choose his own kind of torture, and it's quite fair because the poor guy has to tolerate the torture for eternity or at least for thousands of years and he should have the right to choose the kind of torture that is most suitable for him, the one that becomes him more, in other words. Because of this humanistic reason the hell guide takes the newcomer behind different closed doors, the door are closed all the time in hell unless they want to let some one in, because as you know all the men and women are naked in the torture rooms and for good reason too.
Suppose they want to insert that hot red half burned stick into a sinner's ass as they have promised us so many times. Now tell me, how can they do it if the sinner is not naked and ready? As you probably have heard time is everything in hell.
Anyway the guide takes the man behind the closed doors one by one so that he could listen to the poor lost souls in there, hear their cries and complains, listen to what they say and see which room he prefers. For instance behind one closed door our sinner heard ghastly cries of pain and horror and some logical complains like: "What's wrong with you?! You are hurting me." and the other party answered: "You don't like it? I'm sorry but this is the [Half burned hot red stick room], and it's my job to insert it into your ass hole every ten minutes for the bad things you did up there. Why must you ask this same silly question every time I mistakably take it out a few seconds late? This is what you asked for."
So the newcomer turned to his guide and said: "This one definitely no!"
Everywhere he heard shouts and cries of pain and the poor sinner was getting really frightened and depressed. He was going out of time and still had no idea which room he liked to choose, then suddenly he came to a silent door no shouts no cursing, a pleasant silence and when he listened carefully he heard that just once in a while some one might say, politely and very gently: " O' brother! please do not make waves."
They spoke so gently and smoothly he could hardly hear them. Of course that was it. Who of sound mind would not choose that calm friendly space behind that door with those polite gentle roommates? So he chose the room instantly. The guide opened the door and pushed the amazed man into the room and closed the door.
The newcomer found himself struggling, swimming in a thick liquid and when he managed to come to the surface and stood on his toes he found himself and his roommates in a vast huge pool of runny unpleasant thing, because again as you probably know, the devil and all his fellow assistants have diarrhea all the time as the result of eating fire three times a day. Then he realized that by some miracle no matter how tall or short people are in the pool, the surface just touches their lower lips, so even when they are angry mad crazy at each other when they badly need to kill him because of his thoughtless inconsiderate violent move that has created waves on the surface, they must not yell at him. They must, gently remind him and politely ask him not to repeat that, they should mildly and smoothly say: "O' brother please..." Must not make him upset and violent again.
In fact now that I think of it, it's an ideal way, the best method to be used in anger management courses.

7 Comments:

  • Poor man!
    But really we didn't know that diarrhea comes from eating fire! untill now we thout eating fire burns and dries and makes hard not runny! But one thing is sure, you never make things up Gaznkan. let us know about this please. thank you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Jan 02, 07:03:00 AM  

  • You’re right Gazankhan; that is a good idea for anger management courses. Maybe you should think about copyrighting this idea before some wise guy in L.A steals it and makes millions out of it.

    By Blogger Shirin, at Wed Jan 04, 06:31:00 PM  

  • Hi my friends, I was absent a few days and as you may have heard the under sea cable that broke last week, by a ship anchor as they said, badly affected the on line communications and the funny thing was that once my wife went to check our blog and when after a long time she got connected and then was surprised to see my previous two posts and half of my last post was gone! Where did they half? We don't know.
    Ok then, I just wanted to thank you Fairs2 and Friends5 and my dear Shirin and apologize for not answering your questions sooner.
    Shirin didn't have a question though. But Shirin! That was really funny and made me laugh in early morning today, just imagine that my dear!
    Now the questions & answers: Fairs! Yes that is a good idea.
    Friends! You are partly right, in this world fire acts as you said. But in that world and especially in hell things behave differently. As you have probably heard they have water in hell that the more you drink the thirstier you get.

    By Blogger GazanKhan, at Thu Jan 05, 06:00:00 PM  

  • So they just disappeared by themselves Gazankhan? How very strange! Maybe you were censored by the Blogger’s equivalent of Ershaad (whatever that might be)! In any case I think it’s very rude of them to have done that without consulting the Blog Police ie yours truly! How dare they I say. How very dare they?

    By Blogger Shirin, at Thu Jan 05, 11:07:00 PM  

  • You are right again gazankan! our mistake. Can you give us more information about there?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Jan 06, 10:33:00 AM  

  • At least they can speak to each other. What do you expect from hell? I prefer to believe that the current life we live is the hell as a punishment for our previous life. So we move up and down across a multi-layered hell, hoping to get finally to the heavenly exit but only to be distracted by hellish joys or passively being tortured to the point of taking another jump.

    By Blogger dukehk, at Fri Jan 06, 01:04:00 PM  

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