Daily Anecdotes

Friday, September 30, 2005

[And I found this two-headed turtle down there. She was 6 months old when I found her.]

Before I tell you why I'm still here, I'm going to tell the funniest thing in all the written history of mankind, the most interesting and funny thing which happened in my presence too. But unfortunately I wasn't able to see the whole adventure and even if I was, it might not look funny to me; surprising may be but not funny because I was too young (about three years old) too appreciate the cuteness and strangeness, of the situation and the unbelievable act of that really nice kind, always worried lady, the lady who at the peak of excitement and worriedness did some thing that even now after tens of years later I and the rest of the people who have heard story before or not, and the two persons alive, besides myself, who were present when it happened,(my older brother, and the chemist Dr.H.N, the lady's brother who was a university student at that time,) even now we are not able, it really is not possible to keep our laughter down. And the reason why I, myself didn't see that unforgettable event was that when it all happened above that deep well which was in the middle of the lady's garden, I was at the bottom of the well waiting to be rescued. And remember that until now I have never told you that the story I'm going to tell is funny, let alone the funniest; so be careful guys!

My mother decided to send my brother (who was four years and 13days older than me at the time and believe it or not, he is still the exact same amount older,) to her good friend's house, that nice worrying lady, who lived a few blocks from us and told him to take me with him. I don’t know if I had insisted to go or my mother wanted to send me there too, to make her friend who used to claim that she was in love with me, happy. So that she could hug me, squeeze me and kiss me as much as she liked in privacy of her home; in other words: so that she could embrace me without embarrassing herself! Is that a great "word play" or what?! Anyway my brother took me with him although he needed some one older to take care of him. But in those days little kids did things that are hard to believe these days and surely are unacceptable for many parents now.
Now as I said before, I heard most of the story later, time after time; in fact I just remember two things clearly about the whole incident. One: down there was dark and I was saying that its dark down here and I’m scared, and I thought I was seeing two little dark glass windows. Two: when they brought me up, I kept swearing at my brother, took the poor kid responsible for my really horrible experience: Falling down the fourteen meter well! I know it's unbelievable. I still cannot believe that the well was that deep and nothing happened to me except a few scratches (actually some had a semi or para-logical explanation for that; I'll tell you that later). But they all said that it was a fourteen-meter well. Of course it is possible that the well digger had exaggerated a meter or two to get more money but even if it was ten meters deep the accident still looked like a miracle and mind you that many people at that time till years later had really accepted it as a miracle and even my cousins grand mother who was a very religious lady who, like that famous saint, had suddenly discovered the truth when still young and beautiful and left all the luxury of the royal grand ceremonies and parties and devoted the rest of her life to her religious duties, this lady kept telling me that "God has touched you in that day. Understand this and choose the right path in your life."
Anyway what happened was this: We two kids hand in hand entered the yard walked on the toward the well, unaware of the well of course, which had a trap door like they used to have in the Adams family. I walked on the door, the bastard ducked; I fell in, hanging for a few moments from my brother's hand. Of course the poor kid could not help me, he was going to fall dawn with me, so in a few seconds he took a very wise decision, he let my hand go and went to tell the grown ups what had happened. You must understand that he didn't think that I might die in the fall or I was in any real danger; he just thought, I guess, that I was in an awkward situation and needed help, like a cat up a tree; and he showed this fact by his really coolness when went for help. By the way, I let you know when we reach the real funny part, I'll warn you before, so you can relax and if you liked to smile or laugh before that that's your business, but when you must really laugh is when I tell you to be ready!
The lady's brother Dr.H.N. was shaving when my brother,F, went to him and said:"DD fell into the well." he was so cool, that the doc didn't believe him naturally, to him it was like he told him that I was shot in the head, falling down that well was equal to be killed and no less. So he said ok, still shaving. Then F asked, "Aren’t you going to bring him up?"
"I can't, you see I'm busy! I'm shaving."
Then the kind lady asked from upstairs: "Are you talking to me?"(even before Robert De Nero).
"No it's F, getting wise ass! he says DD is in the bottom of the well!"
"WHAT?!!" Shouted the nice worrying lady M and ran down the stairs.
"Don't worry it's nothing..."
“But it's true." my brother insisted. So Mr. H.N., just to convince her sister, grabbed my brother's arm a bit annoyed, his face half foamy and razor in the other hand and brought him over the well and, the worried sick nice lady had ran to the well too, and H.N. with faked smile shouted into the well:"DD!" and I said: "Yes?" And the lady fainted instantly. I don't know if people really faint as we see in movies or they always fake, but if I can believe in one sincere faint, that would be Lady M's faint at that moment.
At once all the people of the house ran to the well, shouting, some asking what should we do now this minute there's no time to waste. And some saying that some one must go down there and bring the poor child up. But who could do that? The lady had come to her senses by this time, not really actually, she was crying, was crazy and was confused during the next ten minutes or so, running around the well and around herself like a wind mill, pulling her hair and slapping her face. At the mean time H.N. had ran out of the door to find a well digger, and it wasn't an act of despair, no, in those days that kind of workers like those who emptied and cleaned pools were peoples whom you saw daily in every district.
Lady M's father and two younger sisters and the old cook and the gardener and his son were standing around the well, all shouting, making suggestions or mourning, because I getting away with that, get out of that well alive was hard to imagine for some of them who didn't believe in miracle. I imagine it was like that famous scene in Mozart's opera Figaro, when all the characters speak, sing together at the same time, and of course, without listening to each other. At last H.N. enters with the man. A man in his forties, in black "pajama type", no belt pants (which must be the better the newer one because they usually wore the older with holes on it under the good one so when they work they don't ruin their good trousers), old shoes no stockings, a not very clean white under shirt and over that a "one size small gray old jacket" and a navy blue "half ball hat" stuck on his head.
Naturally they all, and above all a hundred times above all the others, THE LADY, wanted the poor man to go down there immediately and fetch me before he even opens his mouth. But of course in real world things don't work that way, even if you are dying from shock and loosing blood, you must first pay, or sign some agreement; before that they don't help you. So when H.N. brought the poor man, the man obviously and quite logically wanted to know first what was going on? Who is down there? Is he big a guy? What if he was heavy? And of course more important than all that: how much he's going to get for the get for the job? No one was thinking about the payment except him; because money was not a problem as they say, in it's most actual sense and meaning. No body cared if the poor guy wanted to charge even too much, more than his own humble expectations.
Here comes the funny part: The man was coming over the well talking to H.N. who was agreeing frantically with what ever he was saying without hearing a word, he just wanted to send him down as soon as, even not, possible and the nice respected lady was going crazy by then from excitement and worrying sick all that time, so she ran to the man who was talking to H.N. and was taking off his jacket in no hurry...
Lady M only concern about starting the rescue operation without wasting even a second, and to help the man get ready faster, and of course not knowing what she was doing, jumped and pulled the surprised man pants down in the middle of the crowd, by that time some of the neighbors had come too, to see what's going on. It's true that she wasn't supposed to that At ALL! But everybody knew that these workers always wear two pairs of trousers and the under one was for work. But this time this black pajama was all that the poor guy had on and when the lady pulled it down the entire crowd, who were singing Figaro till then, suddenly fell into absolute black silence! Silence of amazement and shame and the silence that was the preface and the soundless overture of that crazy loud coming laughter in a few seconds. They all froze amazed for a few moments till the lady found out what she had done and what she was staring at! Then she screamed and ran for her life! The man's equipment had such an impression on her that she forgot all about me for a minute or two. She ran for cover, hide inside the house till her father, a respected old gentleman, pulled the poor guy pants up and sent him down.

About the logical explanation: some said I had grabbed the pipe that went down all the way into the water and had slid down but what about those iron shafts that fastens the pipe to the walls? They could break my wrist. And the bottom of the well was just optimum neither hard to crush my bones nor watery to sink me. I don't know, I think calling it a miracle is the easiest and understandable explanation, and the most logical one too, in absence of logic!

And about why I didn't close down for good: To be honest, first I felt like I'm a grown up who enters in the young kids play, no matter how much he tries, he ruins their play. We have all experienced that and we all know that in that situation always the kids are right and the grown up is unwanted even if the kids like him/her even they love him/her; they want to be left alone in their play and they have every right to want that. But then some one made see things better, more clearly…
I got tired now I'll write the rest next time. And just say this I've decided not ask any question from anyone I don't know and not even praise any one that I don't know at all, to prevent any misunderstanding. Because actually we, I and my fellow partners, had started this web log play for saying something very very important which we hope to share with you when the time comes and in fact it was one of them who reminded me that I shouldn't quit just to make a handful or even less than a handful happy; specially when I’ve found some really great friends here.


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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Sep 30, 03:28:00 PM  

  • That was a fantastic story Gazankhan and the funny part was indeed very funny. I loved it :-)

    By Blogger Shirin, at Sat Oct 01, 05:55:00 PM  

  • Glad to know you Shirin. You are one of those rare fair persons that no matter how much "pain in the ass" some one may appear, you remain honest about his work. Most people, I'm sorry to say are not like you. they don't look at what's been said, but who has said it! As Gazanhan said once: Poor things always scraching each others back and get nothing of course.Because their visions are so limited, so short.And another thing: Have you noticed that most people make comments just to, as the Americans say, just to sell themselves, and most of the time they don't say anything relevant about what's been said. Of course not all of them; there are a few real Ladies and real Gentlemen here too. But allas! like always and any where, smart fine intelligent fair people are in minority.
    And I too loved this story very much like you, although I really don't know if I hate or like Gazankhan. he some times seems nice, some times mean and annoying.He must have annoyed you too some times. Do you really know him?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Oct 02, 07:58:00 AM  

  • My dear anonymous,I respect you and I thank you for being honest. But if you do me this favor and say who you are, I'll be much more obliged; because people at least one of them may think you are me! OK?
    P.S. Shirn, my friend, it seems that we have to fill Username & password now before sending comment.Was it like this before?

    By Blogger GazanKhan, at Sun Oct 02, 01:33:00 PM  

  • Nice to have you back with this side-splitting story GazanKhan.

    By Anonymous Kamyar, at Sun Oct 02, 05:56:00 PM  

  • Yes I've always had to do that.

    By Blogger Shirin, at Mon Oct 03, 04:42:00 AM  

  • I'm Sorry my dear friend Shirin, I forgot to thank you last time for that sincere comment; it was partly because of that Anonym comment. and the anonym had said what I wanted to say in a bit different way of course any how. And I congratulate you Kamyar for that really great shot I saw yestarday.Guys! I suggest you go and see this macabre frightening and really great picture, on Komshots. I never have and never will advertise for my friends; just some times when I see some thing really good that you might not know about I let you know.

    By Blogger GazanKhan, at Mon Oct 03, 06:48:00 AM  

  • Gazankhan, ofcourse I had heard about the story of you falling in a deep well from my grand mother. But all I've heard was about how terryfing it was and everyone thought that you might have been injured and god was with you and protected you, .... Never sth funny. It was only when I heard it through your pen 2 days ago that I really laughed.

    By Anonymous Roshanak, at Sat Oct 08, 07:17:00 PM  

  • Well come my dear Roshanak, I'm flattered. Thank you my love.

    By Blogger GazanKhan, at Sun Oct 09, 08:00:00 AM  

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